Thursday, February 24, 2011

Nanny 911

I started looking for a nanny at the beginning of January, even though I didn't have to go back to work until the end of March. It was my plan to find one early, so I could enjoy the rest of my maternity leave with my mind at ease.

Now, at the end of February, not only do I not have a nanny, but I figured out that I have to go back to work a week earlier than I planned so we can do a little thing called "paying the mortgage." I thought we had an awesome nanny, but that did not turn out to be the case. People, always check ALL your nanny's references and don't be afraid to plug a sister's name into Google. Google will find all kinds of shit your nanny was hoping you wouldn't notice. And better Google to tell you than the nanny cam. (Thanks to this story for currently giving me nightmares.)

So, first choice nanny is out. Then today, second choice nanny decides that she wants to go to pastry school. She was a little quiet and kinda churchy, but quiet and churchy sounded like just the ticket after the first nanny's shenanigans. Darn you, pastries, for being so irresistible!

Now it's less than 3 weeks until I have to start hauling my butt back downtown every day and we're back to square one. No nanny, and by the way, no other family to share our nanny with. Because, oh yeah, I can't afford to pay a nanny to just come here and watch my baby all day, because of that whole "paying the mortgage" thing again. A decent nanny will run you at least $2500/month, which is basically a mortgage payment. Or 5 car payments. Or 25 nice pairs of shoes. Anyway, it's more than we can afford alone. So I have to find someone close by to share a nanny with us. And they have to be non-flaky, normal people with a normal home and no weird pets.

I did look at home daycares (scary) and regular daycares (ridiculous waiting lists)((btw can someone tell me HOW do you get on a waiting list 2 years in advance for a BABY)) but there really wasn't anything. I wish my company would run a daycare in our building, but that's never going to happen. Square footage in Chicago is too pricey to waste on something silly like taking care of BABIES.

So the search starts again. I've plopped down another month's subscription for stupid, and I wrote even more ads for Craigslist, but all I want to do is hide Elliot in a box under my desk every day. Do you think my boss would notice?

More bad news: Olivia didn't get into the high school she wanted. Now she has to appeal for a spot, or accept a spot at a less desirable school farther away. So far 2011 sucks.

Thursday, February 17, 2011


My living room has been taken over by plastic crap.

Please send help.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

A Day in the Life of a Mom at Home

AKA The Most Effective Birth Control on the Planet

1:30 - 7:00 AM Wake every hour and a half to pump, feed baby or change diapers.
7:20 Pack kids' lunches.
7:45 Drive kids to school.
8:01 Change baby's diaper.
8:02 Remove all baby's clothes that have just been peed on. Wipe pee off baby's face. Put new cover on changing table.
8:10 Bathe baby.
8:11 Drain water because baby peed in it. Run new water. Bathe baby.
8:20 Dry baby and slather on plethera of different creams for his face, scalp, body and bum.
8:30 Try to find clothing in dresser that baby has not yet outgrown. Realize your 2 month old is too big for six month sizes. Dress baby in some ugly mess from Carter's because it fits.
9:00 Start blog post. Type 7 words before baby starts crying.
9:05 Change baby's diaper.
9:10 Feed baby.
9:25 Change baby's clothes and your shirt after baby spits up on you both.
9:30 Change baby's diaper.
10:00 Try to sweep kitchen floor with one hand. Give up and push pile of crumbs and dog hair under kitchen island.
10:15 Change baby's diaper.
10:20 Change baby's diaper.
10:30 Pump.
11:09 Feed baby.
11:25 Put down sleeping baby.
11:26 Pick up screaming baby.
11:29 Change baby's diaper.
11:30 Change all baby's clothes after he spits up.
11:32 Change shirt after he spits up on you.
11:34 Change baby's diaper.
11:45 Put baby in swing.
12:00 Eat breakfast.
12:21 Type 10 more words in blog post.
12:24 Pick up baby.
12:25 Change baby's diaper.
12:45 Brush teeth. Floss half of them.
1:00 Feed baby.
1:20 Wash bottles while jiggling bouncy seat with one foot and singing any nursery rhymes you can remember. Give up and sing Old 97's songs because those are the only songs you know all the words to. Count days until Old 97's concert. Mmmm, Rhett.
1:30 Change baby's diaper.
1:35 Wonder why there is a girl named Pancake on Maury. Wonder why you are watching Maury.
1:41 Change baby's diaper.
2:15 Remember you put clothes in the washing machine two days ago. Put them in dryer, then forget about them until Thursday.
2:25 Change baby's diaper.
2:30 Pump.
2:49 Delete blog post because it's stupid. Start new blog post.
2:55 Delete that blog post too. Maybe you'll blog tomorrow.
3:00 Hand baby and bottle to Olivia when she comes in the door.
3:02 Get baby back because he's wet.
3:15 Think about taking a nap but check email instead. Feel bad about all the friends you haven't emailed back and probably won't.
3:30 Eat lunch.
3:45 Lay down to take a nap.
3:50 Get up. Change baby's diaper.
4:00 Change baby's diaper.
4:05 Change all baby's clothes, your shirt, and changing table cover. Boys can pee far.
4:16 Nap for 40 minutes. Don't actually sleep because you're wondering how you'll be able to afford a nanny, if you can even find one. When is water bill due again? Did you pay that doctor bill? Why do you have insurance if it doesn't fricking cover anything. Wish you understood deductibles. Think of new blog post about why is everything so dang expensive.
5:00 - 11:30 Walk dogs, make dinner, eat dinner, wash bottles, pump, remind other kids who you are, make everyone else change diapers, make everyone else feed baby, pet poor dogs, take shower, remind husband who you are, watch half a TV show, hold fussy baby, fall into bed, wake up in 2 hours to start all over again.

happening all day: kisses, cuddles and extreme cuteness

It's still better than going back to work. Right, Pancake?

Pancake: "You know it!"

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Can You Dig It

When you're on maternity leave in the winter, a snow day is pretty much like any other day. Lots of chilling in the house.

Yes, we survived the Big Blizzard of '11. The giant dead tree didn't fall on our house, yipee, but crazy thundersnow (blizzard + lightning + thunder = 2 petrified pooches) dropped two tons of the white stuff on our yard. It took Josh 5 hours, with a 1 hour assist from Dylan, to clear the porches, sidewalks and alley. We are so getting a snowblower.

Um, can someone shovel me a potty?

The kids enjoyed their first snow day ever, can you believe it? This was the first snow day for Chicago Public Schools in 12 years. CPS don't play! So I taught them what a good snow day is about: watching movies all day and baking. First we made pancakes from scratch, which are not that much more difficult than a mix but taste a million times better, and then we baked oatmeal peanut butter cookies, which are the best of both cookie worlds. Hey, look, no school tomorrow either! Looks like it will be Sugar Cookie and Secretariat Thursday. Wahoo!
Everyday is a snow day for babies!